10 Things I Didn’t Think I’d Ever Do

“(24/7) once you sign on to be a mother, that’s the only shift they offer.”
– Jodi Picoult

1. Use a tube (NoseFrida the Snot Sucker) to suck the snot out of my kid’s nose and fake laugh after each suction so he thinks it’s a game. Otherwise, he thinks I am purposefully torturing him and cries crocodile tears, which only brings on more snot.

2. Drive to another state because they have an awesome playground.

3. Squirt medicine down my kid’s throat like he’s a dog. Yes, exactly like a dog…it’s that hard!

4. Be more excited for a sale on kid’s clothes than my own.

5. Trip over the same toy multiple times. Even though I JUST put it away, it always reappears!

6. Take a piece of bird poop from my child’s hands. Check!

7. Pay $5 for a gallon of Organic milk.

8. Get my finger chomped on when checking to see if my kid is cutting a tooth… and hoping that explains why he’s waking up at the crack of dawn and being such a terror. I mean, seriously, when someone has clamped their teeth around your finger, what is your first instinct? Uh huh, mine too…

9. Crying because he’s crying after being punished for doing something naughty. Yes, I am weak. And it’s true what my Mother always said… this is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you.

10. Waiting for the garbage truck to come so I can put my kid down for his nap and being mad because he’s late. Mama’s gotta shower people!! (Note: Gideon LOVES to watch the garbage truck and will scream in his crib if he hears it but can’t see it).

And there you go! I’m sure there’s more, but those are the ones that come to mind at the moment. No one ever said Motherhood was glamorous! In truth, the good far outweighs the bad, but some days, I tell ya…



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